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City man on country walk unsure whether to nod to friendly locals

A city resident was unsure how to react today as he took a rare walk in the countryside and found himself faced with friendly, relaxed looking people. It happened when systems analyst Pete Humphreys from...

Confidence that Theresa May will get Brexit deal soars after she cancels Sky in under an hour

Public confidence in Theresa May soared today after she managed to cancel her subscription to Sky in a record breaking time of only 55 minutes…and that includes the time spent finding the right number...

Boris Johnson haunted by ghost of Christmas Future over Brexit

Boris Johnson has been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future and is now suffering nightmares over what Brexit will do to Britain by 2025. He’s been heard screaming and wailing and grinding his...

Dictionaries to be cut in half as UK abandons French words after Brexit

Conservatives in Yorkshire are demanding that we remove French words from UK dictionaries after Brexit as they will lose their meaning and no longer be needed. It’s estimated that 45% of English words derive from...

Tories refuse to tackle fake news as it would mean banning Daily Mail

The British government has decided against banning fake news sites as it would be impossible to distinguish them from the Daily Mail, the Express and the Sun. The problem of fake news was highlighted during...

Panicked family struggle to reply to Christmas card from ‘John and family’

A middle-aged couple are in a state of panic after they received a Christmas card through the post from ‘John and family’ and have no idea which John they need to reply to. Philip and...

White House to be renamed ‘Trump Plaza Washington’

Donald Trump says he plans to turn the White House into a giant 40-storey casino and hotel complex as part of his infrastructure programme to create jobs and make America great again. It will be...

Man takes selfie with tiger as it bites off his head

A man is celebrating after taking a fantastic picture of himself with a tiger just as it bit off his head. Jonathan Mercer, who’d received complaints from his friends after bombarding them on Facebook with...

You can Brexit and destroy the pound…but don’t mess with Toblerone!

Chocolate lovers have sent a warning to politicians across Europe: you can mess about with Brexit and even even destroy the pound but don't mess with the shape of our Toblerone. Toblerone is hugely popular...

Farage wants to be Trump’s EU ambassador so he can really screw things up

Nigel ‘Mr Brexit’ Farage wants to be America’s Ambassador to the European Union if Donald Trump becomes president. He believes it would enable him to complete the work he began with Brexit and really screw...

Tories to replace French words with Yorkshire phrases after t’Brexit

The Conservatives are to ban French words from the English language after Brexit and replace them with traditional Yorkshire phrases. It's seen as a way of re-establishing British culture and mores (sorry, 'ways') after we...

Jeremy Corbyn to present fashion show with Gok Wan

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is to defy his party's disapproval of MPs having a second job and start presenting a fashion show with style guru Gok Wan. It’s seen by many as a natural progression...

Woman stuck with ‘phone voice’ after battery died during important call

A woman has been left permanently stuck with her posh ‘telephone voice’ after her battery died midway through a conversation with her solicitors. Jennifer Carter was speaking to her lawyers about the pros and cons...

‘Even feigning interest in my sporting excellence will do’ men tells their partners

Men of Britain are trying to let their partners know that even pretending to be interested in their sporting achievements would be a great boost to their ego. Each week, on heavily sanded astro-turf pitches,...

Business grinding to a halt as workers rave about Aldi and Lidl

Desperate business owners are demanding the Prime Minister take action against the latest craze threatening to reduce Britain’s production levels to dust. It is feared that the country is on the edge of economic meltdown...
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