Andrea Leadsom’s career meets some forgotten faces as it’s flushed down the toilet


The career of Tory politician Andrea Leadsom met some sad, scary and terrified characters in its new home after being flushed down the toilet.

Mrs Leadsom’s career zoomed along the U-bend and through the piping system until it landed with a bump where it belongs.

It wasn’t long before Mrs Leadsom’s career met one of its new neighbours.

The future of the England football team was flushed down the toilet three weeks ago. With most of the flops of the ‘golden generation’ retired, the hope was that the current bunch were not ‘burdened by the scars of previous tournaments’ said the experts.

That hope was ended by their humiliating defeat to Iceland. However, despite the defeat, the England team’s future still strutted about like it was something special and deserving of admiration.

Mrs Leadsom’s career told Scoop Alley: “I told the England team’s future that I too actually have a very real stake in the future of this shithole as my mistress has children.

“It was hardly a significant amount of pressure to put on the England team’s future but it still crumbled like the pussy it is and sat on its arse weeping like a bitch.”

Before long Mrs Leadsom’s career met an old foe that it never expected to see again. The Integrity of Debate in UK had finally been flushed away during the build up to the EU referendum.

On seeing one of its tormentors, Integrity of Debate fled in terror and sought refuge at the home of the Chances of Scotland Remaining in the UK.

However, it was too late. Mrs Leadsom’s career had seen Integrity of Debate and couldn’t resist acting on its nasty instincts and putting the boot in – and maybe start to establish itself as an authority figure around these parts.

Chances of Scotland Remaining told Scoop Alley: “We told her she would never have any power around here because our dictator is Mike Ashley’s Man of the People Image who has been here nearly ten years.

“Mike Ashley’s Image would never believe that Mrs Leadsom’s career would be capable of fucking the poor and vulnerable to the required extent.”

Integrity of Debate added: “Mrs Leadsom’s career just said that it would be added to the CV – and it wouldn’t even need to lie about this one.”

The Public’s hope of £350m per week going to the NHS already had one foot in the toilet. Amazingly it wasn’t until after the referendum that it was finally flushed away for good when 52% of the country realised they had been taken for fools.

The Public’s Hope was furious when it saw Mrs Leadsom’s career walking around the shitter like it owned the place.

It told Scoop Alley that Mrs Leadsom’s career had made a very powerful enemy and it could forget about an easy ride in the future.

The Public’s Hope said: “I vow to be there every time Mrs Leadsom’s career tries to pull itself out of the shithole it is now living in.

“I have been let down big time and have no sympathy for the bullshitters who put me here. If Mrs Leadsom’s career wants to drag itself out of this shithole it will need to drag me up with it – otherwise I will always be there every step of the way, just waiting to drag it back down again where it belongs.”

Mrs Leadsom’s career was ‘shattered’ to be on the receiving end of such anger and claimed it didn’t deserve it – and with that, poor old Integrity of Debate was once again crippled in agony.

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