Business grinding to a halt as workers rave about Aldi and Lidl


Desperate business owners are demanding the Prime Minister take action against the latest craze threatening to reduce Britain’s production levels to dust.

It is feared that the country is on the edge of economic meltdown because of the unrelenting discussions about the ‘value for money’ available at Aldi and Lidl.

It is now the Britain’s most popular talking point by far and is threatening to bring the country to its knees as production levels reach an all-time low.

According to reports, the average Briton now spends of 40% of their day talking about their latest buys from the German-owned supermarkets. As many as 25% of all conversations that took place last month included the phrase “the only thing I don’t like is…”.

Although the quality of the food and value for money is now widely accepted by most, the ongoing discussions about Aldi and Lidl’s products are creating a major concern for the nation’s ability to carry out everyday tasks.

Several company bosses are complaining that the production levels of their staff have plummeted since Lidl released their autumn magazine (which includes four pieces of breaded chicken for just £1.29).

One factory line manager fumed: “I’ve got my staff blindfolding each other in the break room and trying to guess which Viennese Whirls are Mr Kipling’s and which are Aldi’s.

“I was all set to hand out some bollockings ‘til Sandra challenged me to name which ones were £2 a pack and which were just 89p. Next thing you know I’ve spent the afternoon sampling coffee and chicken bites and I’ve missed a telephone meeting with our bloody suppliers. My boss is gonna kill me!”

The issues are not just confined to the workplace either, as families are also suffering under the sheer weight of discussions about Aldi and Lidl.

Just this week, there have been more than a hundred cases of children being left alone at the school gates because their parents forgot to pick them up after getting involved in a discussion about whether Aldi’s own gravy granules were as good as Bisto’s.

Several business owner are now demanding Mrs May put the triggering of Article 50 on the backburner for now and turn her attention to the Aldi/Lidl issue immediately.


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