‘Down to earth’ Ed Sheeran’s world tour in jeopardy


Overseas fans of Ed Sheeran are being left sweating on news of whether his upcoming world tour will be able to go ahead as planned.

The likeable singer has become so down to earth that it is now impossible for a plane to lift him off the ground.

Ed hit peak bloody-decent-fella-ocity at the weekend when he successfully mediated a pecking dispute between two angry woodpeckers.

Woodpecker Richard Philips told Scoop Alley: “In hindsight I was been a little out of order. Ed encouraged me to calm down by thinking out loud.

“I realised I was in a bad mood because I had a small thorn in my foot and was taking it out on the other woodpecker.

“Thankfully Ed gently removed the thorn and I felt much better.”

While this is all very lovely, it has rendered Ed unable to fly as he is ‘so down to earth’. When he boarded a plane to America it wouldn’t leave the ground.

Ed apologised profusely to the other passengers and bought them all a pint.

Experts believe that the only way to get Ed airborne again would be to develop an ego and maybe sh*t on a few underlings.

Things looked good in an early practice run when he stood in a hot air balloon and covered Kanye West’s 2013 track ‘I Am A God’.

The balloon began to rise until Ed said: “I want to dedicate that to all people of all religions – who am I to say one belief is greater than another?”

The balloon fell back to the ground and Ed spent the next few hours signing autographs and taking photos with everyone in attendance. He said he was only too happy to forfeit his only personal time and pointed out: “Without the fans there would be no pop stars. Thanks so much to everyone.”

Sources close to Ed are advising him to watch Justin Bieber’s antics closely and perhaps try spitting on his adoring fans.

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