Football fans rekindle delusional sense of optimism for new season


Football fans across the country are beginning to delude themselves into a totally unrealistic sense of optimism as the new season approaches.

Even those who were disgusted with the performance of their team last year are affected, and those who vowed they wouldn’t be conned again are beginning to weaken. It’s expected that within a few weeks, all will have succumbed and bought an exorbitantly priced season ticket, even if it means their children go hungry.

“For most it’s a classic case of hope over experience,” said Professor Smithers from Oxford University. “Decades of failure suggest that the new season will bring nothing but heartache and despair for those who entrust their personal happiness to the vagaries of mediocre couldn’t care less footballers.

“The fans understand this very well at the end of the season but they gradually forget about it over the summer and start to dare to dream again.”

Nottingham Forest fan Martin Collins is typical on many. He went on holiday to Lanzarote to recuperate after his club’s disastrous performances last season. “We were woeful and I vowed I would never put myself through that misery again.

“It was wonderful lying soaking up the sun but after a few days I started to get restless. I got nostalgic for the jeers of the crowd… the thought of travelling to Barnsley to sit in the freezing cold to watch my team get thrashed seemed suddenly appealing again.

“And you never know, with a new manager, and a few more players to shake things up… we could bounce straight back up… it’s been done before… oh man, I can’t wait for it to start.”


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