Panic in the Brexit camp as they realise they might actually win


Senior figures in the Brexit campaign were reeling last night at the news that they had moved ahead in some polls and Brexit might actually happen.

Many have no intention of leaving and just wanted to get some publicity and feel important while safe in the knowledge that they’d lose. However, now that victory is a possibility, some Brexit MPs been seen walking round a state of shock saying: “oh fuckbiscuits… it’s all going tits up.”

The stark reality that it is ‘a jump into the unknown’ has hit them and the claims they made over the last few months will be shown to be a crock of shite if Britain leaves.

Iain Duncan Smith became a prominent figure in the Brexit campaign following his cynical resignation in protest at George Osbourne’s budget.

He claimed to be appalled at Osbourne’s savage cuts to disability benefits – even though he had spent years gleefully snapping away at the living standards of Britain’s most vulnerable with the same venom displayed by the football fan who bit a security guard’s testicle.

Mr Duncan Smith told Scoop Alley: “I only joined this campaign to raise my profile and remind the country what an honest and upstanding leader I can pretend to be. I didn’t expect to win.

“What if my wealthy wife ever leaves me? Which is totally possible when you consider my personality. I couldn’t cope on my own, I’d spiral downwards fast and would be a lamb to the slaughter without the EU’s numerous regulations that protect the vulnerable.”

Meanwhile, Tory MP Sarah Wollaston has taken the plunge and actually swapped sides.

Dr Wollaston told us: “Well well, well, there you go. It just shows what a fantastic politician I am. Now I have changed sides I will sort out the mess I have created and Dave will have to reward me with a higher profile position.

“Suck on that Boris!”

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