Tories refuse to tackle fake news as it would mean banning Daily Mail


The British government has decided against banning fake news sites as it would be impossible to distinguish them from the Daily Mail, the Express and the Sun.

The problem of fake news was highlighted during the American presidential election campaign when websites suddenly appeared carrying made up stories to support Donald Trump. These included headlines such as ‘God says Trump is his hero’ and ‘Hillary Clinton carrying Beelzebub’s baby’.

A government spokesman admitted fake news sites were full of lies, but on a more positive note, they had been very helpful over Brexit.

“I mean… the Sun had the headline, Queen backs Brexit… and the Daily Mail described our judges as Enemies of the People… the government couldn’t buy that sort of propaganda… well, all right, it does buy it of course…sort of, by getting Rupert Murdoch’s permission before making important decisions but apart from that…”

“We’re not going to bite the hand that feeds now are we.”

“Oh all right… we have to make some token gesture towards wishy washy truth seekers so here’s what we’ll do… we’ll set up a committee to look into press accuracy. We’ll let them waffle on for a few years until everyone has forgotten about them… and then ignore everything they say in whatever pathetic little report they produce. Works every time.”

Meanwhile, Foreign Secretary Bumbling Boris Johnson said truth and accuracy were all very well but had proved next to useless in winning elections or building careers.

“Look at me… no one noticed me on the Daily Telegraph until I started making up stories about the EU… straight bananas and so on… sold millions of papers and helped to create Brexit. That’s the way to succeed… tell people what they want to hear.

“Did you see the one about giving £350m to the NHS? Bloody masterpiece that!”


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