It’s been a productive day, giving the old noggin a heavy workout with one of my intellectual pals, not that the media gives two shites about telling people stuff like that.

No, when the seeds of these conversations actually come to fruition on the pitch in the World Cup final it will be all ‘Oh Big Sam’s given’ em some big bollocks’. Fuckers.

Big Sam's England Diaries

I love to keep up with the latest scientific innovations and I had a meeting with a great pal of mine, Prof Rick Clement. He’s a real shithouse for a scientist but he knows his arse from his elbow and he’d be world famous if he was called Ricardo Clemenza.

We had a fascinating chat about flexible biosensor devices that a player could actually wear on his body which would send information about the biochemical and electric signals in his body directly to my smartwatch.

The signals could give me up to the minute information about detailed responses to events that happen in the players’ bodies. They could even let me know whether Raheem Sterling has genuinely been fouled when he throws himself to the ground, because I’d never be able to guess before.

I had to cut the meeting short as I needed to take a dump but I will read the emails he sent me. Maybe I’ll read them on the bog if it’s a real humdinger.

I’m really starting to feel the excitement about the new season. I’m hoping for big things from Andy Carroll.

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