Reports in the paper are suggesting that the squad are urging me to play Wayne Rooney in attack rather than midfield.

Sorry, did they manage Bolton for over seven years? Did they ever win eight whole games in charge of Newcastle? Did they get six – count ‘em, six – manager of the month awards in 16 years? Did they fuck!

Big Sam's England Diaries

I am the best qualified person in this set up and I’ll decide where Wayne plays. Fergie thinks Wayne is finished so maybe he won’t play at all. I love Fergie he’s my best friend, we see each other as equals who share a mutual respect and give each other advice. I call him Fergie, not Sir Alex, and he doesn’t mind.

I wear a ‘WWFD’ bracelet on my wrist to help me be a better manager.

We sat together at Wayne’s United testimonial. It was a thrilling 0-0, Wayne really knows how to put on a show for his fans.

There were lots of English players on the pitch so it was good that both sides kept a clean sheet – perhaps Andy Carroll could be the missing piece of the jigsaw.

However, Fergie kept talking about Wilfried Zaha. He wasn’t on the pitch of course, but I think I might play him against Slovakia. I’m definitely going to play him. Zaha will be England’s main man for sure, I’ll make Fergie proud.

Fergie wasn’t wearing his ‘WWSD’ bracelet when I saw him. He told me that when he wore it he put on six stone. Bloody funny, great banter between great mates.

Previous entries

Wednesday 3 August – I sent the boys in the squad an email today to introduce them to the new boss man. Very clever as it served a dual purpose.

Monday 1 August – It’s been a productive day, giving the old noggin a heavy workout with one of my intellectual pals.

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