A pleasing development today as a superstar from yesteryear has declared that he wants to join the good ship Allardyce.

Rio Ferdinand never issued a come and get me plea when his United career ended, even though he could have come back to West Ham.

Big Sam's England Diaries

Instead he joined Harry at QPR and took them down – is that the sort of decision making I want in my camp?

Well he didn’t want me then but now the tables have turned – and I have to admit he could be a good face to have around the squad – I like my defenders ugly.

If Rio can get John Stones to cut the crap and defend when he needs to then I won’t even mind him passing the ball out of defence, I’m not a philistine – and it should go down well with the press and the fans.

It would be a great for Rio. To think after all those years under Fergie, he could then learn from Allardyce as well before going into his first job as a number one – what an opportunity!

If Rio does join the team he will be working alongside Craig Shakespeare. Shakespeare is a Premier League title winning coach but more importantly I believe that the gravitas of his surname will start to rub off on me.

It will help me finally get the respect I deserve as an intellectual thinker from the press. Although knowing this country they will probably prefer to remove Shakespeare from the school curriculum in favour of some foreigner like Dante or Victor Hugo.

Previous entries

Thursday 4 August – I love Fergie he’s my best friend, we see each other as equals. I call him Fergie, not Sir Alex, and he doesn’t mind.

Wednesday 3 August – I sent the boys in the squad an email today to introduce them to the new boss man. Very clever as it served a dual purpose.

Monday 1 August – It’s been a productive day, giving the old noggin a heavy workout with one of my intellectual pals.

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Father disgusted with son’s choice of motorway for long journe

The secret diaries of Bumbling Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson diaries

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