Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been rushed to hospital after choking on his own lies when he caught sight of a London red bus while he was out promoting his No Deal Brexit.
Mr Johnson was explaining to otherwise bored passers-by how he would cut taxes for the rich while simultaneously increasing public spending when he suddenly started to look a little uncomfortable.
He then appeared to take a turn for the worse as he promised to increase borrowing, while simultaneously reducing national debt.
His aides rushed to his side, but he appeared to recover his composure by quoting Tennyson’s “do or die” line from the Charge of the Light Brigade.
However, his condition again worsened while promising to slash corporation tax at the same time as providing more money for the police, defence, broadband, No Deal Brexit planning and schools.
An embarrassed aide appeared to tell him that, actually, there was no money available at all because of Brexit, and even if he could scrape a few quid together from somewhere, he couldn’t spend the same pot over and over again on different things.
Johnson appeared not to understand and continued with his promises. He was soon back in trouble, however, and collapsed to his knees when a London bus passed by just as he mentioned more money for the NHS.
Observers said the mention of money for the health service seem to unsettle Johnson, and he began to cough, splutter, um and err even more than usual, as if the bus reminded him that he’d won a referendum by promising an extra £350m but was now only offering a bit of loose change that in any case was already in the NHS budget.
One observer, Margaret Stoker, described how a look of self-disgust seemed to flash across his face…as if he’d suddenly realised he’d been living a lie all his life and that he was about to be caught out as the British people were starting to realise that nothing he had ever promised had ever been delivered.
“I know it sounds far-fetched but it was almost as if he’d discovered a conscience.”
An ambulance was called as Johnson appeared to go into a violent choking fit, as if he were trying to expel a lifetime of lies and deceit.
He is now being treated at a top private hospital in London. Insiders say he was afraid to use the NHS as he feared staff might take their revenge on him because of the way the Conservatives had starved the health service of money for nearly 10 years.