Britain was back on top of the world today after our politicians set a new record for the mass production of lies, broken promises and talking total bollocks.
The British team, led by Boris Johnson, David Cameron and Nigel Farage, could hardly contain their joy as they were presented with the trophy by the Guinness Book of Records.
Researchers calculated that 350 million lies were told every week during the EU Referendum campaign, easily breaking previous highs set by the Blair administration during the Iraq War and by the Thatcher government over Hillsborough.
Team captain, Johnson said: “We’ve taken lying to a new level and we can now produce on an industrial scale, enabling us to smash the previous world record set by North Korea when it was denying it had nuclear weapons.
“The best thing of all is that we did all this without any help from the EU, proving that we can stand alone.
“It was a great team effort. Dave was a real ‘liar, pants on fire’ superstar and Nigel, well, it was unbelievable to see the amount of crap he came out with. It made me proud to be British.”
The good news doesn’t stop there. Britain also set a new world record for the fastest set of broken promises. Within hours of winning the referendum vote, Brexit campaigners had reneged on every pledge they’ve made from funding the health service to stopping immigration.
Johnson added: “There’s no limit to what we can achieve if we just focus on tearing ourselves apart over Europe. We can put the Great back into Great Britain…er, actually, that’s a lie as well…can we add it to our total?”