Grumpy old gits with a vision of a past that never existed are gearing up to dismiss this year’s A Level results as yet more proof that educational standards have been dumbed down for the snowflake generation.
The exquisite delight of bursting the bubble of excited youngsters celebrating their achievements is now one of the favourite pastimes from nostalgia-ridden old timers who are determined to bring everyone down to their level.
Joe Carthy, who scraped a D and an E in 1974, said the fact that A Level results keep getting better just proves that standards have fallen dramatically since he was at school. “It was much tougher in my day, we had to leave our smoking sessions in the toilets and turn up to lessons occasionally to get an A Level… it meant something.
“We had proper teachers with patches on their sleeves… they instilled proper discipline… if you didn’t do your homework, you were given another week to do it…then another week, and so it went on until it was done… relentless pressure that really prepared you for the harsh realities of industry after you left school.
Ted Madison, one grade E in 1983, said: “Nowadays, kids are made to learn things and are drilled specifically to pass exams… unlike us, they don’t experience the panic of having to waffle on to pad out the answer to a question you had no clue about… that was good training because it taught us how improvise and bluster our way through life… with these modern exams you just have to know stuff… no room for waffle. What use is that?”
“And while we’re on the subject, what’s this rubbish music they listen to these days? Why can’t they listen to proper bands like the Beatles and the Stones?
“Messi’s not all he’s cracked up to be either, now George Best, there was a real player… the girls were prettier, the beer was better and the summer’s were warmer in my day!”