Presidential candidate Donald Trump has called for a ban on all British people entering the United States until he figures out what the hell is going on.
He’s particularly concerned at stopping young white males from being allowed in.
The move follows a dramatic increase in racial hate crimes triggered by the Brexit referendum result – which have been enough to make even America’s great shit-stirrer stop and take stock.
Added to the racial tensions in the UK, is the incident in which 20-year-old Michael Sandford from England was arrested at a political rally after allegedly trying to grab a police officer’s gun to shoot Mr Trump. He was quickly overpowered by security guards and led away.
Trump was puzzled by the incident because he couldn’t see why a white person would dislike anyone as wonderful as him. He asked his aides to find out whether the attacker had been wearing white make-up, or perhaps had been brainwashed into being Muslim.
Either way he didn’t want to take any risks with the safety of the American people and so has called for an immediate and total ban on all British people until the matter is cleared up. He also considered building a wall across the Atlantic and make Britain pay for it until aides pointed out that might be a little difficult and in any case, those crafty Brits would fly over it.
Trump is still only a candidate so has no powers to impose a ban but many leading British figures are now wondering whether to cancel flights to the States for fear of a hostile reaction from Trump supporters.
Jamie Oliver is particularly concerned as he has already upset Americans by telling them their food is shit. Piers Morgan is also worried after spending years telling the US that its gun laws are crazy… even the Queen is concerned that Trump supporters might see the incident as an excuse to take revenge for British atrocities in the years running up to the American Revolution.
President Obama has tried to calm the situation by assuring everyone that one lone attacker doesn’t represent a whole community. Trump burst out laughing at that and dismissed the assurance as yet another example of how Mr Obama is soft on terrorism.