An Oxford University Professor’s dreams of stardom are up in smoke after the high profile Chelsea unfair dismissal case came to an early end.
The Prof has spent a lifetime fending off criticism from friends and family who said his study of Portuguese curse words was an expensive rich kid’s folly.
He thought his time to shine had finally arrived when he was asked to be a witness at the Jose Mourinho/Eva Carniero employment tribunal. Sadly his moment of glory was dashed by the selfish Dr Carniero who accepted a settlement.
The Professor told Scoop Alley: “This was my destiny. It was the perfect opportunity for me to finally prove to my parents that I hadn’t wasted my life.
“Even my mates who did media studies at uni think my career is a joke – and they phone people up about mis-sold PPI!”
He told us that this would have only been the beginning. He had big plans for the future.
He said: “After Chelsea hired me to discredit the doctor it all became clear. The whole case would hinge on me, I would have been a star.
“The next obvious step would have been Celebrity Big Brother where I would have probably met a minor star’s bitter ex-partner.
“I can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t have clicked with someone like that immediately – and we would have gone on to form a much loved pop duo outside the house.
“I’ve already written my Christmas single ‘Não não não (não me chame Filho de uma puta esse Natal)’. It would’ve been Christmas number one for sure.”