There were growing concerns for the safety of Nigel Farage today after more than half an hour passed without him being interviewed on the BBC.
His supporters started to become concerned after 15 minutes but comforted themselves by saying he was perhaps having a rest or travelling between studios. But when he failed to appear after 30 minutes, alarm bells started ringing.
Press spokesman Jennifer Lynn said: “I got this sense of foreboding. It was like this earie silence descended. I started flicking through channels but there was no sign of him…nothing on BBC 1, 2, BBC 4, News 24…it was like he’d ceased to exist.
“Not showing Nigel for all this time is just typical BBC bias against the Brexit Party.”
After 45 minutes, the anger turned to panic as worried Brexiters feared “something must have happened”.
Staff at head office started scanning social media and calling his favourite pubs but there was no sign of him. They phoned the White House, the Kremlin and teh Dog and Duck but no one had heard from Farage in the last hour.
Finally, after a fully agonising 60 minutes, they rang 999 and demanded the police launch an immediate search.
Brexit security officer John Bull takes up the story: “The police reacted in the typical establishment way, saying someone going missing for an hour is not something to get alarmed about. That’s the kind of bias the Brexit party has to face every day. If a Remainer like Anna Soubry or Keir Starmer had gone missing for over an hour, the police would have come out in force with all sirens blazing.”
Thankfully, peace was restored when a channel hopping junior researcher found Farage being interviewed by Fox News in America.
Staff and supporters breathed a huge sigh of relief as they heard Farage in good voice, telling his Trump adoring fans that Britain was no-go area dominated by Muslims and Remainer elites.
“Oh Nigel you’re a star,” exclaimed one ardent a supporter, a tear welling in his eye. “The way you keep battling for Britain is amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
The emotion was broken only by the phone ringing…a call from BBC Question Time asking if Nigel could appear on next week’s show.
“Typical BBC arrogance,” said press officer Lynn. “They’ve ignored Nigel for the whole of the last hour and now think they can make up for it by asking him on to Question Time for only the 100th time this year.”