UKIP have called for an immediate end to foreign language lessons in Britain’s schools.
Leader Nigel Farage said struggling with German grammar and French vocabulary was a complete waste of time and should be stopped immediately. “If foreigners want to speak to us they should f…ing well learn English,” he said while congratulating himself on his choice of a good old Anglo Saxon expletive.
The call is likely to be welcomed by millions of British people who spent all their school lives learning French but are still barely able to ask their way to the railway station. “Ooh ay la gare… who bloody cares,” said Farage.
“This is the age of the internet, the whole world speaks English now. Get over it France. No one cares where you’ve put your bloody stations. You only ever used them to retreat from the Germans in any case.”
At this point the UKIP PR man intervened and insisted Nigel was only joking. “We like Europeans really… we just want to spare our children the humiliation of being unable to learn their languages.”
Some commentators say the move could be a clever ploy by UKIP to capture the votes of school leavers for whom the tedium of leaning languages is still fresh. One youngster told us: “We only ever messed about in French… it was a complete waste when you think we could have used that time to mess about in maths or physics instead… proper British subjects.”
One disadvantage is that the move could force more people from abroad to learn our language, which means there could be even more foreigners in future who can speak English better than we do.