Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt is said to be scared witless that doctors will take their revenge on him during his upcoming surgery.

Hunt’s attempts to destroy the NHS have made him the most unpopular Health Secretary ever and turned moderate, middle class medics into strike crazy militants.Jeremy Hunt. Photo copyright jdfirth CC3

Now he fears his attempts to railroad them into accepting his much hated reforms might backfire.

A close friend explained that Hunt had been suffering from constipation for several weeks. “There’s some kind of blockage with the effect that he is now even more full of sh…than usual.

“His arse has become so bunged up that he’s had to try speaking through his mouth but he couldn’t get the hang of it.

“The only option is an arsehole transplant.

“The operation is fraught with danger. Apart from the obvious fear that the arsehole might reject him, there will be plenty of opportunities for surgeons to ‘slip’ with their scalpels in very delicate areas.

“Jeremy could come out with a very high pitched voice! He’s already having doctors smile at him in a sinister over friendly way. Others wave their scalpels and say they’re going to make some ‘reforms’ of their own.

“Normally Jeremy would go private but as Health Secretary he has to be seen to be backing the NHS, with all the horror that entails.

“He might even find himself in a ward next to working class people…that would be the cruellest cut of all.”

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