Confidence that Theresa May will get Brexit deal soars after she cancels Sky in under an hour

Public confidence in Theresa May soared today after she managed to cancel her subscription to Sky in a record breaking time of only 55 minutes…and that includes the time spent finding the right number...

Clive ‘Fingers’ Martin finally masters Stairway to Heaven after 40 years

Amateur guitarist Clive Martin was celebrating with his grandchildren today after finally mastering how to play Stairway to Heaven after 40 years of trying. He says his sudden success is down to this great new...

Dear Scoop Alley…I keep waking up screaming with panic attacks

Dear Scoop Alley, I keep waking up screaming with panic attacks...you must help me. It all started last year when my career was going nowhere and I was out in the wilderness. Then suddenly I...

Sutton boss will rest stars against minnows Arsenal

Sutton manager Paul Doswell has revealed he will rest many of his key players for tonight’s FA Cup clash against minnows Arsenal, to keep them fresh for the battle against relegation from the conference. “I...

Boris Johnson haunted by ghost of Christmas Future over Brexit

Boris Johnson has been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future and is now suffering nightmares over what Brexit will do to Britain by 2025. He’s been heard screaming and wailing and grinding his...

Dictionaries to be cut in half as UK abandons French words after Brexit

Conservatives in Yorkshire are demanding that we remove French words from UK dictionaries after Brexit as they will lose their meaning and no longer be needed. It’s estimated that 45% of English words derive from...

Tories refuse to tackle fake news as it would mean banning Daily Mail

The British government has decided against banning fake news sites as it would be impossible to distinguish them from the Daily Mail, the Express and the Sun. The problem of fake news was highlighted during...

Panicked family struggle to reply to Christmas card from ‘John and family’

A middle-aged couple are in a state of panic after they received a Christmas card through the post from ‘John and family’ and have no idea which John they need to reply to. Philip and...

White House to be renamed ‘Trump Plaza Washington’

Donald Trump says he plans to turn the White House into a giant 40-storey casino and hotel complex as part of his infrastructure programme to create jobs and make America great again. It will be...

Man takes selfie with tiger as it bites off his head

A man is celebrating after taking a fantastic picture of himself with a tiger just as it bit off his head. Jonathan Mercer, who’d received complaints from his friends after bombarding them on Facebook with...

Only 2 men can save us now!

An online petition has been created to demand that Marty McFly and Doc Emmett Brown come out of retirement to do what they do best and save the world from the huge mess it...

Surge in searches for schoolday crushes before Trump starts WW3

Facebook has been overwhelmed with traffic this morning as frustrated thirty and forty somethings search for their schoolday crushes in a final attempt to find happiness before the world ends. The news of Donald Trump’s...

You can Brexit and destroy the pound…but don’t mess with Toblerone!

Chocolate lovers have sent a warning to politicians across Europe: you can mess about with Brexit and even even destroy the pound but don't mess with the shape of our Toblerone. Toblerone is hugely popular...

Farage wants to be Trump’s EU ambassador so he can really screw things up

Nigel ‘Mr Brexit’ Farage wants to be America’s Ambassador to the European Union if Donald Trump becomes president. He believes it would enable him to complete the work he began with Brexit and really screw...

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