Grumpy old gits slag off A Level results as they wallow in nostalgia

Grumpy old gits with a vision of a past that never existed are gearing up to dismiss this year's A Level results as yet more proof that educational standards have been dumbed down for...

Boris Johnson rushed to hospital after choking on his own lies

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been rushed to hospital after choking on his own lies when he caught sight of a London red bus while he was out promoting his No Deal Brexit.

Chimp produces better Brexit plan than MPs – Farage calls him a traitor

MPs were red-faced with embarrassment today when a chimp typing randomly on a laptop produced a better Brexit plan than the government. Ministers are refusing to confirm the plan’s...

Nigel Farage feared missing after not being on BBC for nearly an hour

There were growing concerns for the safety of Nigel Farage today after more than half an hour passed without him being interviewed on the BBC. His supporters started to become concerned after...

Johnson and Gove to test their comedy act on Britain’s Got Talent

Star comedy caricatures Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, who’ve been pretending to be MPs for the last 20 years, want to showcase their bumbling politician act in front of a wider audience.

Relationship on a knife edge after man didn’t get huge praise for doing tiny bit of housework

A couple's relationship was thrown in doubt today after a man was left feeling well miffed because his partner barely noticed that he’d done a bit of housework. It meant she failed to shower...

Mark Francois exposed as spoof character created by Sacha Baron Cohen

Sacha Baron Cohen told close friends: “I looked at people like Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Mogg and thought, these people are far more ridiculous than any character I’ve ever created. I wanted to see if I could up my game, so I created Mark Francois.

May and Corbyn invent new game called ‘Let’s Say the Opposite’

Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn have joined forces to play their favourite new game, called ‘Let’s Say the Opposite’. The former rivals decided it was necessary to put aside their...

Clive ‘Fingers’ Martin finally masters Stairway to Heaven after 40 years

Amateur guitarist Clive Martin was celebrating with his grandchildren today after finally mastering how to play Stairway to Heaven after 40 years of trying. He says his sudden success is down to this great new...

City man on country walk unsure whether to nod to friendly locals

A city resident was unsure how to react today as he took a rare walk in the countryside and found himself faced with friendly, relaxed looking people. It happened when systems analyst Pete Humphreys from...

Why I support, er…oppose a People’s Vote, maybe, not sure. Please like me!

Statement by the Right Confusing Jeremy Corbyn Reassure me that Labour oppose a People’s Vote Reassure me that Labour supports a People’s Vote Some...

Scoop Alley Helpline, I’m being bullied in my job as leader of the country

Dear Scoop Alley, I’ve been promoted above my abilities at work which means I’m in charge of absolutely everything even though no one likes me. As...

Couple not speaking after wife rearranged husband’s packing of dishwasher

A couple were enduring a stony silence today after the wife rearranged the way her husband had packed the dishwasher. John Cadogan from Belfast said he just couldn’t understand his wife’s attitude. “Women nag at...

The Secret Diaries of Bumbling Boris Johnson

The engima that is Boris Johnson - one of the great Churchillian parliamentarians of our time? Or a bumbling idiot who shamelessly craves publicity no matter how bad?

Listen up elitist doctors… obesity is the will of the people. Deal with it!

Switched on the telly last night after a hard day’s graft and the first thing comes on is some posh sounding doctor droning on about how people drink too much, eat too much…don’t do...

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