Donald Trump says he plans to turn the White House into a giant 40-storey casino and hotel complex as part of his infrastructure programme to create jobs and make America great again.
It will be surrounded by a golf course and enclosed inside a huge wall to keep out Mexicans, and paid for by the Mexican government.
Government staff are to be replaced by an army of leisure industry workers including croupiers, Las Vegas novelty acts and troupes of dancing girls. The President-elect Trump said: “I can take care of government decisions on my own in a few spare hours in the morning. I’m very intelligent…my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”
“I don’t need all these special advisers and hangers on so I figured I may as well get some women dancers in for me to grope.”
The waitresses will wear orange tee shirts to match Trump’s latest skin tone and will have an arrow pointing downwards with the words…Donald can touch my… anytime.
The Secret Service security staff will be replaced by out-of-work steel workers (white only) from Michigan and other rust belt states. The new Head of Security, Butch Daniels, said: “Anyone come hear the Donald, we gonna bust his ass.”
Trump said the White House needed to be revamped because a black family had been living there for the last eight years and had lowered the tone of the neighbourhood and forced down house prices.
“Thankfully, Donald J Trump is here to bring back a little class and style to this iconic building…together with my supporters, we can make America great again.”.