Irish football fans who gained saint like status at the Euros have been causing chaos back home as they keep looking for someone to charm with their good natured love of the craic.
It was the fans rather than the team that won hearts and minds across Europe as they serenaded beautiful girls, had sing songs with the police and went around fixing cars, picking up litter and solving every problem they could find.
Now many are suffering withdrawal symptoms as they return to their everyday lives back home.
Pete Duffy from Dublin is typical of thousands of fans who now feel they’ve lost their sense of purpose. “We felt like kings out there but back home we’re nothing and no one thinks we’re charming anymore… no matter how hard we try.
“I mean, the other day a gang of us saw this pretty girl walking down O’Connell Street so we ran up to her and started singing ‘I can’t take my eyes off you…you’re just too good to be true’.
“The girl in France recorded us on her phone and we went viral, back home the Irish girl just said ‘Piss off, you shower of gobshites or I’ll have you done for sexual harassment’.
“Later than night we saw a squad car so we started singing ‘stand up for the Irish police…’ but they didn’t sing back to us like they did in France… ‘away home you bowsies or you’ll be standing up for the fucking courts’.
“We saw a baby on a bus so we sang it a lullaby. But she didn’t fall asleep, she just bawled her eyes out and then shat herself. Her mammy was not happy.
“It’s the same everywhere we turn, it’s like a light has gone out in our lives. Ah well, roll on the World Cup and Moscow so we can charm those Russians… they’re a tough audience but can’t be any harder than these miserable bastards back home.”
[php] include ‘newsletter.html’; [/php]