Workers sick of hearing colleague say ‘England have no chance’


An entire office staff are desperate for England to win the Euros, just so they can avoid the smug ‘I told you so’ from their self-important colleague who keeps insisting England have got ‘no chance’.

Des Mortimer has long been known as the office t**t by his co-workers at Johnson and Bart Publishers in Kent.

However, while his smug behaviour is normally considered a mild irritant, most of his colleagues are now at breaking point listening to him butt into every Euros conversation with the comment: “England won’t win it anyway!”

One of Mr Mortimer’s colleagues, Jenny Clifton said: “I’m not really bothered about the football but I do like it when England are playing in the World Cup.

“I don’t know who‘s the best but I wish that knob would stop telling me that England won’t win. I wasn’t that fussed before but now I really hope they do it.

“Just to wipe that self-important smirk of his face!”

Another employee at Johnson and Bart added: “We all know England ‘probably’ won’t win, but we don’t need to hear it every time someone mentions football.

“To make matters worse, he’s drawn Germany in the office sweepstake… imagine, if they beat us on penalties, he’ll be unbearable. Smug bastard.”

Aside from Mr Mortimer’s behaviour, the Euros have caused the office to descend into a hellhole of smug clichés with each member of the team having their own personal favourite.

Bill from accounts goes with “well Leicester won the title so anything can happen”, while company boss Richard Johnson prefers to tell the room that “rugby is a real man’s game”.

Elsewhere, Karen from human resources makes an hourly declaration that “football is just a bunch of millionaires chasing a ball anyway”.

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